• Balenciaga New Money WASPy Camoflauge

    Fit looking like an old-money Dad on a tropical vacation, standing in the buffet line for 3rds:

    $1250 over at Mr. Porter.  The type of people that buy this shirt are completely oblivious to the fact you can actually clothe your naked body for less than $3000.  You’ll be chilling with them on your yacht, run out of margarita mix and make the suggestion to dock so you guys can run to WalMart to grab more.  They’ve never been, and are intrigued after you tell them WalMart sells a wide array of goods.  You get there, and their mind is absolutely blown when they see a 6-pack of Gildan crew neck white t-shirts for $12.  After doing some quick mental math you inform them they could buy approximately 250 of the Gildan white t-shirts instead of one of the $505 Loro Piana white t-shirts they normally wear as an undershirt.  You barely get your sentence out and you both burst into laugher at the absurdity of such a thought… I mean the Loro Piana is a silk blend, hardly comparable.  $7 margarita mix in hand, you head to the front of the store to pay.  Your friend is absolutely flabbergasted that self-checkout monitoring lady doesn’t seem to know what bitcoin is, and that WalMart will not accept it as payment.  He’s getting heated… you tell him to chill, pulling a roll of $100 bills out of your Prada swim shorts.  The lady asks if you’re a Guy Fieri fan; you’re not sure who that is, but you reply “A huge fan!” anyways.

  • Maison Margiela Tabi GAT

    The German Army Trainer (GAT) you never knew you needed:

    $985 USD straight from the Maison Margiela vein.

    As Young Thug famously said, “Take them boys to school, swagonometry“.  If you know me personally or even from my other blog (shoutout ENDO), you know I’m unwaveringly passionate about a few very specific things.  The German army trainer is one of those things, which I probably haven’t mentioned on the internet.  I own the low top grey calfskin Margiela Replica sneakers (the low top non-tabi version of the shoe in this post) and I can’t say enough about the comfort, fit, and quality of it.  It’s so good, I’d be willing to stick my neck out put $1k on the line and rock this split tabi toe.  If you’re not familiar with the style, Margiela has actually been doing it with women’s footwear for quite a while.  I’ve been trying to convince the women in my life to cop, but none of them appreciate the look or the heritage 😖.  The style dates back to 15th century Japan, split toe socks worn traditionally with their thonged footwear.  Samurai in the feudal area also rocked the look, if that alone isn’t enough.  I don’t know if you guys are sold on the style yet, but I sold it to myself again while typing this.  The question now is do I order the embarrassing socks to match off Amazon, or do I pull the retro socks-and-sandals maneuver I did when I was a kid?  The one where I leave the sock loose at the front, and then work the foot in to get the perfect tabi-esque split.

  • Mom Can I Go Out And Revolt Against The Establishment Tonight?

    Customized Alpha Industries M-65:

    The $375 “Anarchy Field Jacket”…. since removed from the Barney’s NY website.  Nothing says anti establishment like showing up to the protest fitted in your mass produced anarchy jacket.  Save yourself the ridicule, buy the $180 blank Alpha Industries one, get a few different marker colors, and come up with your own designs / witty phrases.  You’ll thank me later.  Instead of everyone thinking you’re an undercover cop “HELLO FELLOW PROTESTERS, IT IS I, ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT KEVIN WITH MY *CUSTOM* JACKET”, people will see the way you made the blank jacket your own and show silent respect.

  • Support The Troops In This Dolce & Gabbana Dog Soldier Print Shirt

    New from Dolce & Gabbana for A/W 2017:

    Paisley print background with the dog admiral painted portrait on the front? Oh wow.  I was thinking about this this shirt all day, and almost thanked a yellow lab for his service when I was out for a walk earlier.  He was a working dog with a 1000 yard stare, so thankfully it wouldn’t have come across as too weird.

    I feel like the tucked in look the guy is rocking is very on brand, but too uptight for this particular shirt.  Call it disrespectful to the design if you want, but I think I’d try wearing it unbuttoned with a clean white crewneck t-shirt underneath.  Maybe a gold cuban link chain around my neck, with some plain black tapered denim on the bottom and some clean black chelsea boots.

    $675 over at Dolce & Gabanna.  As they say “you gotta pay to play”… thankfully there’s also a $475 long sleeve t-shirt, so you can still flex even if you’re poor.  That last part was a joke.  I feel like I’ve been out of this blogging thing for a while I probably need to ease you guys back into my writing style (if anyone still follows this).


  • Camouflage For The Sassy Rich Bitch Trying Not To Blend In

    Valentino with a pattern they call Camupsychedelic for S/S 2015:


    A basic woodland pattern with alternate sassy colors.  Color me not impressed.

    Head over to the Valentino website to see the full Camupsychedelic lineup.  Pictured above is the $1590 nylon windbreaker.

  • Not Wanting To Hurt Your Girlfriend’s Feelings

    The Comme Des Garcons ‘Peace’ t-shirt:


    $195 CAD ($155.79) from SSense.

    Your girlfriend always wants to get you something really awesome for your birthday.  She pays attention to everything you say, so she knows what you’re into… military stuff, camouflage, that olive color etc.  You’re a nice boy, but like to think you’re edgy.  She saw this shirt on SSense and saw it had so many things you like, including that non threatening yet potentially edgy “Soldier of Peace” painted lettering along with the bonus flipped “Strong lover” just to let em know.  *clicked, CC info type in… shipped… wrapped*.  Flash forward two weeks to your annual special day… the celebration of your birth.  You tear the thoughtful camouflage pattern paper off the glossy white SSense box and take a deep breath while you raise the lid.  Instantly your brain says “OH SHIT”, but your smiling cheek to cheek and you give her a huge hug and a kiss, and say thanks.  You instantly feel like a piece of trash, because you’re already scheming and plotting on ways you’ll have an unfortunate accident, rendering the shirt unwearable.  The look in the picture is the exact look you see in the mirror when you’re alone and try it on for the first time.